Insert baseball metaphor here

Here’s a confession for you:  Baby Boomers bug me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of Baby Boomers.  My mother happens to be one as well as many other members of my family.  Some of the best mentors and teachers I’ve had in my life have been Baby Boomers, but man when they all get together do they ever bug me.  

Their need to always stay young or their inferiority complex about their parents’ generation or the crippling effect they’re having on pension plans because they want to be retired for 40 years before dying.  50 is the new 30!  Blow me.  

So imagine my surprise when I loved The Brothers K by David James Duncan, a family drama set in the 1960s.  We follow the Chance family through the eyes of a middle child as he, his brothers and sisters, grow up worshiping their father, baseball and navigating their way through adolescence, adulthood and Vietnam.

I wrote that last word (Vietnam if you’ve already forgotten), with a little trepidation.  Baby Boomers love to write/talk/sing about Vietnam and, not surprisingly, it bugs me.  So much has been written about it and said about it and copied about it, that most aspects of literature/television/art that references it feels cliched.  Surprisingly, though, I don’t hold it against Duncan or his novel when the story stalls while he writes his obligatory Vietnam hate-letter.  A brother gets drafted and sent to Vietnam unjustly and he has a breakdown from it?  Color me bored.

I should hold it against Duncan and his story, I know.  The thing is, by the time it happens I’m in love with all members of the Chance family to such a degree that I don’t care.  
These characters become so real so quickly that I end up just wanting to spend time with them, regardless of the circumstances.  Duncan hero worships the Dad and baseball a bit, but no more than most Baby Boomers hero worship their Dad and baseball.  Besides, Duncan at least acknowledges faults with both, something a lot of Baby Boomers still have trouble doing.  

These beautifully flawed, broken characters manage to grow up while themes of theology, philosophy and morality swirl around them.  Again, this kind of mentality from Baby Boomers (“We questioned everything!  All of us!  All the time!) wears on me, but Duncan handles it beautifully with his messy characters, love of baseball and adoration for father figures.

The fine art of being bored

 I recently spent 3 weeks in Europe, and discovered a lot about myself as I looked history that predates American history (which I love), topless beaches and the art of being bored.

Cadaques, Spain.  We spent 3 days here wandering through the city, eating tapas and enjoying the beaches.

The history was just humbling.  Being in Spain and talking about the Spanish conflict against the Moors that lasted 700 years was crazy to think about.  700 years.  That’s older than America.  Heck, that’s a longer period of time than people have been in America.   European people, at least.  Lets not get too racist this early in the summer.  Anyways, it was refreshing to in a place that takes such a long look at history.  There aren’t as many WWII enthusiasts b/c every country in Europe has seen better wars and had more decisive victories.  

The Alhambra, a Moorish palace built when they invaded Spain in 711 A.D.  The carvings on the pillars are the Qur'an and took 100 years to carve into the stone throughout the palace.   

As titillating (pun intended) as European topless beaches are for Americans, they get a little overwhelming at the same time.  Sure there’s some attractive ladies there, but there’s also Mom’s and their kids, Grandmas with grandkids and plenty of men in speedos.  Plenty.  Again, though, there was something refreshing about being in a place where human bodies, by themselves, aren’t sexual.  Sexuality is a personality trait that people show or they don’t, just like any other emotion or personality trait.  Sexuality isn’t boobs, sexuality is boobs combined with emotions and feelings.  Just boobs?  Not sexual.  

Did you think I was going to post a picture of a topless beach?  It's not that kind of blog.

One of the things, though, that I greatly appreciated about my time was the boredom.  Part of my trip was chaperoning kids on a schools sponsored tour complete with buses, schedules and tour guides.  Turns out the freeway in America is about as interesting as the freeway in Spain, so I had plenty of time to think, read and be really really bored.

You know what I realized, though?  I’m never bored at home.  Never.  As soon as I feel boredom creeping into my mind I reach for my phone, on demand Netflix or the internet.  Boredom, though, pushes me.  It propels me forward to be creative and really think about what I want from my time.

So, in my never ending quest to create a theory of living for myself that solves all of my problems in one giant swoop, I’ve decided that every day needs to be filled with ASO.  Active Spritual Output.

Do I look contemplative?  I'm hoping to go for contemplative.

Every day I need to be active (walking, hiking, jogging, biking, gym), spiritual (praying, reading, journaling, reflecting) and outputing (anything that isn’t passive sponging on my part, such as writing, playing guitar, coaching.  Pretty much anything where I’m putting something out instead of just sitting and taking in).  

Did I eat some good food?  Oh my God, yes.  Did I relax on the beach and have a wonderful time?  Yep.  I’m hoping, though, that my appreciation of my time moves beyond the “wonderful vacation” mode and really nudges me in a different direction.  

A picture of a pretty door?  Deep.

Gone, but not lazy

Even though my blogging has suffered the last month, please don’t think I’ve been remiss in my mission to become a better man through my actions, thoughts and daily interactions.  I’ve had two big DIY projects I’m hoping to present to you, my nearly 10s of readers, as well as some warmer weather thoughts as the school year melts into summer vacation.  I coach lacrosse, which takes up the most time of all my extra curriculares, but I’ll be back on the blogging horse soon enough.  

Right now, I’d like to take some time to go over some media I’ve been digesting the last few weeks.  Mostly music and books (my preferred media intake) of one kind or another:

Tegan & Sara “The Con” - This definitely fell into my Bob Dylan theory of music where I hate it at first listen but my annoyance quickly evolves into deep appreciation.  Strong lyrics and interesting sound structure make up for any feelings of vocal repetition.  

Astronautalis “This is our Science” - An indie rapper who recently relocated to the Twin Cities from Portland.  Great lyrics, a commanding voice and interesting things to say.  What’s not to love?

“Zone One” by Colson Whitehead - Check out my review on Goodreads

“Daredevil” by Brian Michael Bendis - I’ve read a lot of comics.  A. Lot.  And let me say these issues are some of the best I’ve ever seen.  The pacing of smaller stories within larger overarching plots is incredible, the characters jump off the page with caring authenticity and the way they acknowledge 50 years of backstory without getting bogged down in it should be used as the standard for current comic book writing.

“Usagi Yojimbo” by Stan Sakai - I love westerns, and a lot of westerns borrow heavily from the Samurai history and mythologies of ancient Japan.  Sakai has been writing this comic for more than 20 years telling the story of Yojimbo, a masterless samurai who travels across the Japanese countryside.  Some of the stories are single issues that look at Japanese culture, folklore and art, while others are longer narratives.  Slower, novelesque pacing and recurring characters who become more complex and entwined with each issue.

I don't have a passion, I'm passionate

Being a Cleveland fan in Minnesota makes it difficult to talk Tribe with anyone other than my wife.  She’s not an Indians fan, native Minnesotan so she loves her some Twins, but she understands how important it is for me to have someone to grumble to when we blow 9th innings or some *cough Sizemore cough* ends up on the DL, again.  

So she listened politely as we rustled through the Sunday morning paper (we, like everyone under 40, get most of our news from the internet, but I love newspapers too much to give up on them entirely), sipped our coffee and I explained how important last night’s game was to Cleveland baseball.

As entertaining as Eric Wedge’s facial tics were as he sat motionless in the dugout in the early 2000s, having a team that shows actual passion out on the field is wonderful.  I agree with similar tweets that I’m much more comfortable seeing where this kind of emotional energy leads us instead of relying on even keel baseball stats to win games.

When Gomez hit Moustakas and got ejected in the third, it showed a passionate side to the Indians that we haven’t seen in a while. Then, when Choo hit the go ahead double? That's right, a passionate side that actually wins games. Wins. Games. I love that intensity. I want to see it from all athletes, from my 9th grade lacrosse team to professionals making millions of dollars.  I know it’s a business, but lets see some excitement out there.

Wedge was all about stats.  Lets all play the same every day and statistically we’ll beat them in the long haul.  Whenever we saw his teams get too excited, in one direction or another, they fell apart.  Every time.  Plus the riffs within the teams showed that not everyone can put on the emotionless mask as easily as others.  Remember Cliff Lee throwing his glove into the stands?  Or when he shat all over Cleveland fans after being traded to the Phillies?  How about the Brandon Phillips mess?  

Time and again, the Indians didn’t know what to do with passionate guys who didn’t fit the mold Wedge was trying to build.  That mold though?  It lost big games, because people get excited about big games.  Hell, WE WANT THEM TO GET EXCITED ABOUT BIG GAMES.  I want someone who has the same passion I do for Cleveland baseball and then go perform.  Not a robot who reaches a big point and collapses under the stress of the situation and the stress of keeping his emotions in check.

Let’s get excited out there and have some fun, and I’m glad Acta’s style plays into that mindset.

There's always next year...

Every season I get excited about Cleveland Indians baseball.  The crack of bats and the smack the ball makes when it sails into a leather glove from across the field.  There are plenty of better love letters written about baseball than I’d be able to muster here, but I thought I’d break out a little timeline for any other tribe fans to reminisce.  

1990s - I know this was the era of great baseball in Cleveland, but I’ll be honest, I was pretty young for most of the glory days.  Plus, living so close to Cincinnati left me with just as much daily information about the Reds than the Tribe.  I went to a few more Tribe games than Reds games (my family being from Cleveland) but overall this was kind of a blur for me.

2003 - This was the first time I’ve ever sat down to watch almost all of the games on TV.  My dad and I spent the summer watching baseball, talking baseball and breathing Cleveland baseball.  We knew the team wasn’t going to amount to much, but I remember being intrigued by their professed plan to evaluate before win.  They knew they couldn’t really compete, so they left pitchers in when they should have taken them out to “see what they do in that situation.”  Infuriating for the casual fan who wants to win, but fascinating to see the young players evolve over time.  

2004 - Much like 2003, this was still a very young team that started to show a lot of promise.  CC, Westbrook, the acrobatic Ronnie Belliard and Victor Martinez were more fun to watch than their 80-82 record let on.  Kazuhito Tadano threw his 50 mph curveball.  I watched almost every game on TV again this season and had a blast watching young talent materialize into something before my eyes

How does someone so overweight make moves like this?  One of the many mysteries of Indians baseball

2005 - This fun team became more fun when they won 93 games but, heartbreakingly, didn’t make the playoffs.  Grady Sizemore appeared and everything clicked in a lot of ways.  Eric Wedge still drove my Dad crazy (Wedge coaches by the stats, not by the feel of the game.  And he constantly changed his lineup, something my Dad just abhors about modern baseball).  

Two Milkduds short of 300 pounds.  

2006 - An off year that felt like a mirage.  This team took huge steps forward in ‘03, ‘04 and seemed to come into their own in ‘05 only to take some steps backwards this season.  They ended up 78-84 and left everyone a little nervous.  This year started my trend of seeing an occasional game on TV, but mostly following them on XM radio and the internet.

2007 - This was the year.  Everything clicked, we won 96 games and were one win away from the world series.  One.  win.  away.  Damn Redsox.

It really angers me that people say he shortened his career by "playing all out, everyday."  What the hell else is someone supposed to do when getting paid millions of dollars to play a game?

2008 - I remember having misgivings at the start of the season.  People were going nuts, convinced our 96 wins in 2007 would continue, but they made no moves in the offseason.  None.  And I really think a team’s responsibility is to make themselves better each off season, not just to keep the status quo.  81-81.  A big step backwards, plus we lost CC.  The end of this latest rebuilding era was coming.

2009 - Lee is traded, and the wheels fall off.  65-97.  Eric Wedge is fired and the rebuilding is officially labeled a failure in my mind.  Sure it brought some great players and teams to the North Coast, but they underperformed and only occasionally clicked.

2010 - 69-93, and suddenly the last 20ish years of good baseball in Cleveland gives way to feelings that we’re destined to having another 30 slump.  

2011 - I’ll be honest, I, like a lot of people, had no idea what to make of this team.  They exploded last year at the beginning of the season and over performed, followed quickly by a looooong stretch of underperforming.  80-82.

2012 - I’m excited to see what they do this year, but my pessimistic gut says the underperforming is more accurate than the early season over performing.  I don’t trust the offense and even though Chris Perez was a machine last year, he looks pretty out of shape in his limited Spring Training.

But I’m still excited, I can’t help it.  The grass, the smacking of leather gloves, the crack of the bats, the arcs of the balls.  I love them all.  I love my Tribe, even if they just break my heart.

Chicago Reflection #2

A difficult thing for me is keeping my mind moving in active directions, as apposed to passively waiting for things to come to it.

I grew up in a quiet house, where watching TV and playing video games were almost always okay. I have strong memories of settling in each night at 7pm to watch TV for 2-3 hours before going to bed. Every night. I had plenty of activities outside my home to keep me active, but once inside, my eyes glazed over and my brain turned into passive mush.

When I’m passive, I’m waiting for things to come to me and I’m grumpy towards
anything and anyone asking me to break out of my rut. Early on, the depressing isolation I created for myself in college felt like a tomb.  The overwhelmingly active environment sent me spinning back to my dorm room to watch TV and cruise online (but not, sadly, to study).  People were always coming and going, and the only way to fall into my passive glaze involved isolating myself from their energy. That isolation became suffocating and only with the help of God and good people did I manage to break out of my stupor.

I’m not nearly that passive anymore, and I’ve come a long way in the last 10 years, but remaining active can still be challenging for someone who’s natural fallback is passivity. I’ve found things like having a people-centered job, exercising and not watching too much TV help me remain active, but lately I’ve been feeling out of balance again. I need to readjust my active and passive levels for this new and improved version of myself.

Things like personal appearance, sexuality and internet use still live in passive worlds and I’d like to find better balances for them. Right now with these topics, I sit back, let my brain go to mush and take whatever comes my way. Instead I want to be really intentional on how I approach these things and encounter them in my daily life.

I’m probably not going to discuss my sexuality too much on the web (I’m still a MidWesterner for God’s sake), but this blog offers a great way to focus my web use into something productive and enjoyable (as opposed to mindless and enjoyable). It also encourages me to follow through on the things I talk about. Accountability seems to rise when something is published, even when published on a blog on the internet.

Chicago Reflection #1

For my birthday, Kelly and I left our little house in Minneapolis and trekked to the
big city of Chicago for a weekend. Well, she has a work conference here, so it wasn’t
entirely for my birthday, but, either way, that means I have two days on my own in
the big city, and I’m doing my best not to waste them.

I love traveling and being in new cities, it reenergizes me and makes operate on
levels I may not reach in my day to day at home. We visited Austin a few years ago
and I loved the down-home feel mixed with city chic that emanated from everything.
We actually arrived the weekend after SXSW, and the entire city felt relaxed and
content. We slipped in, slipped out and loved every minute.

Chicago, of course, has a different feel than Austin or Minneapolis. It’s more
Midwest with an east coast polish than anything else.

The energy I get from these streets as I visit vintage clothing stores, used book
stores, hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurants and a posh downtown Indian
restaurant, is one of active energy. A determination by everyone and everything to
use every moment within the day as an expression of one’s self.

I do recognize that we’re staying in a hotel we wouldn’t normally be comfortable
affording (conference discount) in an area where most stores, restaurants and
homes signify a level of wealth I’ll never experience. I also recognize a lot of the
outward polish and confidence I see comes from that wealth and isn’t always
authentic.

Still, though, there’s a vibrancy here I want to internalize before I leave. One that
would exhaust me if I lived it every day, but propels me when taken in small doses.